Where Parenting meets Coaching

There is no one-size-fits-all guide in raising a child. Every child is a unique person who is born with abundant of gifts.

When I became a mother, I was totally lost, as there were many different experiences that friends and family shared which may be conflicting information with our parenting goals and values. I appreciated each and everyone of them for sharing their life experiences, which helps us to take it into consideration when making choices.

Parenting is a journey of becoming a better person every day for me. It takes so much effort in aligning values, being the role model and doing all the essential tasks to keep him healthy and safe. I am grateful that I have a supportive partner who is willing to walk the journey with me.

Along the journey, I made mistakes, scrambled to find solution to challenges and learning from the mistakes. Every encounters bring me closer to the answer for: What does it mean to be a parent?

Parenting is making intentional choices and acting in intentional ways to support a person to develop and empower them with character, respect, a sense of responsibility, motivation, building confidence and skills to help them be both successful as child and as adult.

In every parent-child interaction or conversation, parents get to prepare the child into adulthood and impart values that is aligned with their family culture.  You are not just raising a child; you are developing an adult.

On the other hand, coaching is unlocking a person’s potential to maximize their own performance. It is helping them to learn rather than teaching them. Coach facilitates growth and unleashes potential to perform at their peak. A coach takes people where they want to be.

What happen when Parenting meets Coaching? I would like to share a few anecdotes from my journey as a mother and a coach.

 From Judging to Listening

In one of our trip to Legoland, my 5 year-old boy brought me to the Big Lego store. He hold my hand and said…

We went on and walked around the store for some time. He pointed out those Lego sets that caught his attention. I listened to what he has to say for each of them.

At the end of the tour, we left the Lego store empty handed. I was amazed of the result as I thought he wanted to get some Lego sets while he walked me around, and I may need to spend some time to convince him not to buy anything from the store. I could have said “No” and not entering the store so that I can avoid to convince him. Fortunately, I followed his lead and he proved me wrong, as he just wanted to talk about it.

Through listening, I was given the opportunity to listen to his internal dialogue while hearing he speaks. I have to leave my judgement aside and give him undivided attention. I clarified and reflected his words in the process. He amazed me every time when I follow his lead.

From Telling to Asking

He is a proactive person who likes to engage himself with something most of the time. When he gets some idle time, he will ask me what can he do. Through my reflection, his action probably arising from me as a mother who tends to “Tell” him what to do, rather than “Ask” him what he wants to do. As a result, I decided to adopt “Asking” approach this time. 

From Suppressing to Expressing

One of my favorite time with him is our bedtime conversation, it is also served as our ‘Connecting’ time.

J: What are the feelings you have for today?

In the conversation, we were connected through listening, questioning, validating, reflecting. Through our bedtime conversations, he gets to express his feelings, and develop his competency and confidence to learn through coaching style of interactions.

These incidents showed me how my roles as coach and mother intertwine so beautifully and effectively.

Honestly, I am still learning new things through daily interactions with him. It is a journey not a destination.

While coach takes people go where they want to be, I trust that parenting with a coaching mindset helps in developing his competency and build his confidence to learn and his capacity to make good decision in life.

If you would like to find out more about Parenting with a Coaching Mindset, join the upcoming Parenting with a Coaching Mindset Workshop. See you there!